Rookie to Oblivion :)

This is the most important chapter in his life. Here it takes an odd turn.

In this chapter he will learn how to survive. Earlier he used to escape but now he is taking everything head on, and still surviving. It hits you bad, but then all you have to do is to be a little sport.

The Purchase Order is getting replaced by Work Orders, and JUKI by JCB’s. Rest is all same.

A day in his life:

He wakes up whenever he wishes to. But usually it’s around 7 am. Old habits die hard. Some random songs are played, yes he has good playlists now, and today it started with ‘Fir Se Ud Chala’ and ‘Kun Faaya Kun’. Then he goes for a stroll. Smoke up a bit, come back and finish daily routine. Eats a little and goes to his books for few hours. Has lunch around 2 pm. Yeah that 2 pm when he gets the same old urge to call. Then he takes a nap. By the time he wakes up it’s evening and he takes out his car, wallet, smoke and go for a drive around. Shopping, smoking and driving. Comes back late and the dinner is ready. Here comes the high point of his day and he pulls out some of the finest scotch mankind ever drank and drinks till he drops dead.

There is no going back and there is no turning around because whenever he turns around he looks into the mess called ‘life’. There are demons from his past which haunt him in darkest of the night. That eerie silence of the night creeps into him and he does not speak even a word.

He is a sculpted mass of bone and muscle held together with a faint hope of happiness at the end of the road.   

Ode To The End Of Time...

As I sit here
At the end of time
Reflecting back
On the days passed by
Begin to write

Of the open sky
Of all the times
The sun shined bright
And the full moon nights
Made me feel
Like a bird, so high

Like a bird, so high
And all the love
Filled my life
Ever elusive smile

And I sit here
To bid goodbye
To bid goodbye
To the year which dies

I weep for you
Those tears of joy
As I rejoice
All the times, when you stood by
When no one else, would even try

And now you leave
At the end of time
I weep for you
And I wait for you
I wait for you, to rise again

Rise again
And reign again
Reign again
With the open sky
With the bright sunshine
With the full moon night

Lift me up and help me fly
Help me seek, that elusive smile.

I know it’s not within my might
To write for you or even try
Not good with words
Not good with rhyme
But I just want to bid goodbye

And write this ode
And then rejoice
And wait for you

To rise again
To reign again
As I sit here
At the end of time.

Someday...

We always think and dream about that elusive someday. That 'someday' when our dreams will come true.
Like we say 'someday I will find a purpose to this life' or 'someday I will die'. What will you do when that 'someday' actually comes knocking to your door? Then you think; the journey to this day called 'someday' was worth it or not. For me there were a lot many some days; and I laugh out loud when I think about them, for they never came. Your 'someday' should be yours, only if no-one else is attached to that then there is a probability of living that 'someday'.

Someday I will get love of my life and will be happy ever after.

So what happens that you never get love of your life and then you are not happy ever after. It's a deal-breaker, heart-breaker and what not. So your 'someday' should be irrespective of people around you for they are looking for something you are not. Or someday they just want to be stinking rich, successful and well settled. And you thought that someday they will love to be just with you. So in a way you were going to fuck yourself someday. And this self-fucking 'someday' was not your list at all. Funny, huh!

I used to laugh on people who used to say that they are depressed or something. I used to think so low of them, used to term them as weaklings. But then time came when I was myself going to doctors. So a someday came which I dreaded. I still get that sinking feeling in my heart, same as you feel when your loved ones die. Will never be able to get over it. All this booze, dope and smoke is my medication for that depression.

No offense to my current girl. But I don't see any future in anything, Mayan calender says the world will end this year. And I will be happy if it does. I just hate the idea of having a plan in life, I can't tell which direction I will start tomorrow and to think about future is a big joke to me now. I remember that I was at my happiest best when I was like this last time, then I fell in love and ruined it all by thinking about a beautiful 'someday'.

Now I go far away from your perception of me, I want this world to forget me and shed no tears because I was never theirs to be. I am one self obsessed alpha male. I am just me. It's only about me. It was always about me, because I suck at taking care of others.

Knots of my life and thoughts are preventing me from being rational and comprehensible over here. So I should sign off for a long time now!!

ride to oblivion

It is in my blood. I can't put up at one place for long. Last time I did was a real heart-breaker. So I ride once again.

Need to ride my life out.

I loved this city, loved it with all the commitment for last four years. All she gave me is bitter-sweet memories, got attached to lot many things and a lot many people. I will never be able to break this attachment. They are for keeps.

For a change I am cutting off all of these, shutting myself down from world. For I know there are dreams to be realized. And for that I need all of 'me', no distraction.

Otherwise if I would ever meet 'me', I would probably hate myself for being just a dreamer.

Tata...

The pain of being me!

~smirk~

So I look happy now. Do I? Yeah I do look happy now.

But then you can never measure the profanity for a good life I have now...

Crossroads

I hate crossroads!

You keep standing there wondering where to go from here.

each direction can be your destination and dreams of their own...

: : : : : : : : eeney meeney miney moe
: : : : : : : : catch a tiger by its toe
: : : : : : : : if he hollers let him go
: : : : : : : : eeney meeney miney moe

So fucking hate crossroads.....

Music or Lyrics

So finally I am finding contemporary Music good for health these days, still last night while listening to one of the classy ones, got confused.. whether it's music or lyrics which I like the most..

Case in room:

'Wish You Were Here' by Pink Floyd:

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,

blue skies from pain.

Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?

A smile from a veil?

Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? 

Hot ashes for trees?

Hot air for a cool breeze?

Cold comfort for change?

And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, 

year after year,Running over the same old ground. 

What have you found? 

The same old fears.

Wish you were here.